Return

Matthew covers his mouth as he sobs silently.

Tears are streaming down his face, dripping onto his pajama pants, his knees curled against his chest. He wants to quit his tears, but is unable to. He cannot force himself to stop. He has held this inside of him much too long, and he wants this pain to end more than his tears.

Matthew swears silently, in his head, inaudible to human ears.

His cheeks begin to sting from all the water drizzling down, and he hopes and prays no one will come in to check on him at this hour. He hurriedly wipes his face, but knows it still has the mark of a crying one. He swallows heavily, and tries to calm himself.

He does not succeed. Instead, Matthew cries more.

Matthew cries for everything. He cries for being bullied when he was younger. He cries for his brother who's had to protect him for so long. He cries for Gilbert, the one who couldn't return his feelings for him. He cries for Victoria, the island girl who's stood up for him for as long as he could remember. He cries for Francis, the older brother who did all he could to make him happy.

He cries for Arthur because he'll never be able to say 'I love you' in return.

Matthew loves Arthur and Arthur loves Matthew.

They are in a relationship.

They are happy.

Yet Matthew is mute.

Matthew will never be able to return the words 'I love you', simply because he cannot speak. He can write it, and he can show him, but he will never be able to fully stress how he feels. He will be unable for the rest of his entire life, from the minute they started dating, until the day they stopped.

And this is why he cries.

He knows full and well that Arthur does not care, and that it does not matter to him as long as he is with Matthew. But Matthew wishes with all his soul that he could speak. He had never known speech and had not wanted it until he had met Arthur. He writes and he shows, but will never speak.

He hears footsteps, and knows who is there. It is Arthur himself, come to check on him. He doesn't know how he knows of his awake state, but does not question it. Arthur has a way with things.

Arthur comes in and sees his tearstained face illuminated by the little light from the hall. He walks over and sits next to him, not speaking as he takes him into his arms, stroking his hair soothingly. Matthew nuzzles into him, the tears continuing to fall.

"I love you," Arthur says, softly, quietly, in a bit of a hum, accent making it all the sweeter.

And Matthew nods his head, the tears falling harder as he will never be able to return those words.