Right Beside You

"Something inside of me died a long time ago, you were just too stupid to see it," he sighed, running his fingers through his short, disheveled hair. His eyes were wet, and a little bit red, as he set the glass down on the table, the whiskey inside of it long gone. "You always thought I was the strong one, the brave one, well guess what, you're wrong. I died a long time ago. All that's left is this ghost, this shell of what I used to be. And yet...you never cared, did you?"

"I did too care!" the other man retaliated, kneeling down a bit to put both hands on both of his cheeks. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry love, you must...you must understand that. I made a mistake, I messed up. But don't tell me you're gone when you're not. I still see that beautiful spark in your beautiful cerulean eyes. It's there, you're still there, darling. Don't say you're gone. Don't say you're a shell, you're...not..." he swallowed heavily, his voice on the verge of breaking. "You're not gone. You're right here."

He pulled away, covering his eyes with his hand. "I'm sick, Arthur. I'm tired. I am so fucking tired. I don't know what to do anymore. There's no hope anymore. I'm not here in front of you! Alfred Jones died a long, long time ago! All that's left is what you see. A broken, sad excuse for a child. Yes, I admit it. I'm a child. A child who can't put themselves back together. I'm shattered, Arthur. I'm shattered and no matter what you say or do, you can't fix me. I'm so un-fixable, that I don't even know what to do with all the pieces! Don't you see that!"

"No, I don't see it. I don't see it because it isn't true..." Arthur reached out again, petting the boy's messy hair. "You're not broken, just cracked. You think you're broken because it hurts so much. You're not used to so much pain. That's why you think you're gone. But you're not. You're right here with me. You're still my precious Alfred, my beloved, my only. You can handle this, you can get through this, I know you can. And you don't have to go alone. I'm right here."

Alfred let out a choked sob, pulling his legs up into the chair and sobbing into his knees. "I want to die, Arthur! I just want to die...! I can't take this anymore. I can't take this pain, I can't! Everyone hates me, I hate me! I don't even deserve to exist in this world anymore! I'm such a screw up, I'm a fucking mess! All I ever do is hurt people, even if I'm trying to help them! Why are you lying to me? Why are you pretending you're here? You're not! You're going to leave me, just like everyone else! Why don't you do me one last favor and GET OUT!"

The words stung him, and Arthur winced a bit, trying to meet the face of the sobbing boy. He wanted to hold him, to take him into his arms and hush him, dismissing it all as silly nonsense, but something stopped him. Should he leave him alone? No, he might hurt himself. But...should he stay, it might cause more of an uproar. He reached out again, tilting his chin upwards, pulling out a handkerchief from his back pocket and dabbing at his eyes. "Nobody hates you, Alfred. Everyone's just skeptical, that's all. You're brash, you do, but you don't think. You're not a screw up, you're lost. And there's a quick fix for that, we're just going to have to set you back on the right path..." he hummed softly, smiling at him faintly, his own emerald eyes glistening a bit. "So don't tell me you want to die, because nobody does..."

The fat, wet tears continued to come. "Don't tell me what I want. I want to die, I just want to roll over and die. I want to be gone. That will make everyone happy. I just want to get away...Arthur I can't take this anymore...I can't do this, I can't...." he repeated over and over, his voice strained, as if struggling to speak through tears. "I don't want your sympathy, I want to be alone."

"Enough!" Arthur snapped, forcing Alfred to look him in the eyes. "Enough of this nonsense. If you want people to like you then quit being so selfish! You're too concerned about what other people think of you. It doesn't matter. In a few years, it won't matter. You're an amazing young man with so much potential, Alfred, do you really want to throw it all away because things are hard right now? They will get better, you just have to wait it out. Be strong. Be the strong willed young man everyone knows you to be. Don't run away from your fears, face them. Death is not the answer. You can be strong a little longer, and you'll thank yourself for it, I assure you," he clenched the handkerchief in his hand. "Understand?"

Alfred swallowed again, and said nothing. He was afraid that the only response that would come out of his mouth was another gurgling sob. He bit his lip, and shook his head, unwilling to accept such an answer. "I can't...Arthur I can't...I can't hold on anymore..."

"Yes you can, you can hold on, and I'm going to help you..." Arthur said, squeezing his hand gently. "I'm going to get you through this. You're going to be able to get over this. You're going to be fine, do you hear me? You're going to be alright, I promise. I never break my promises."

He let out another shaky sob, and Arthur couldn't hold back any longer. He opened his arms, and without any warning, Alfred fell into him, clenching the front of his shirt, sobbing uncontrollably. He really was a child, a child who'd been too strong for too long. Arthur thought it could've also been a mixture of the alcohol he wasn't supposed to have, but he thought it mostly to be this sort of depression he'd built up for so long. He stroked his hair, humming to him lightly. "It's alright, I'm here. You're going to be okay, you're safe, you're alright..." he repeated the words over and over again, the two of them now huddled on the floor. There was a sudden, odd feeling of ease that washed over him as Alfred cried into him, as if...as if he'd done something right. He wasn't sure what the emotion could be explained as.

"Promise me...promise me you won't go..." Alfred sniffed, breaking his cries to look up at him. His cheeks were flushed, and his eyes looked a bit swollen. "Promise me you'll stay here...promise me you'll help me understand..."

Arthur smiled lightly, nodding his head as he kissed his forehead. He hugged him tightly, pressing another kiss to the top of his head. "Of course. I'll be right here, every step of the way."